who do you think you are?

A few months ago I set some personal goals and decided that singing at open mic’s was going to be something I wanted to do regularly. I googled ‘local open mic’ and found one that was up the street from my apartment every Monday. Monday approached and I decided to check it out first before singing. Upon my arrival I noticed that the coffee shop was occupied by mostly hipsters: women with bald heads, men with long beards, man buns, both genders typing at an actual type writer and or typing at a laptop adorned with stickers protesting all-things-mainstream. I walked down stairs to a dimly lit cave-like open-mic venue and it was packed. The stages back drop was very artsy and the nights performers together were very eclectic. Noticeably, before almost every performer spoke-or even during their poetry reading,-each proclaimed in one way or another that they were “anti-religion” and simultaneously drenched in emotional dysfunction. “I’m not a Christian even though thats what my parents wanted me to be” one performer resentfully shared.

After hearing theses sentiments consistently throughout the night my initial thoughts were about how evangelical Christianity has made many of us feel that we aren’t good enough to be loved by God; If you are a Gay, have had premarital sex, drink and don’t go to church every Sunday, date someone who is not spiritual like you—you are not good enough for God’s love. If you’ve lied, been manipulative or are a jealous person, you are not good enough for the love of God.

But as time has passed I’ve realized that self-acceptance is what we are really searching for.

So many times we project onto others that which we cannot do for ourselves. We get mad at our grandmother for not believing in our dreams and then demonize her and give her a one-dimensional identity of ‘bitch’. I mean, no human is any one thing. Our humanity is so vast. Additionally, if we believed in our own beauty and in our own ability, the opinions of others wouldn’t matter. If we believed that we were adequate and valuable, the ending of a relationship would not have the capacity to be because you lack of value and are inadequate.

We can really live in a personalized hell if we choose to. If for the duration of our lives we refuse to come to terms with who we are that’s exactly what this life will be; hell on earth. So many of us live in a constant state of anxiety, fear, depression, self-hatred, suicidal thinking, panic attacks or secretly struggle with addiction. We tourture ourselves with outlandish fears and negative thinking. Many of these habits and states are on behalf of the false beliefs we have about ourselves, false beliefs we have about others, or false beliefs we have about what others think of us (which is what you think of yourself). We are so afraid of love and peace and are addicted to pain and self-sabotage.

The Fall season is here and many of us humans fall into a depression around this time of year. Why? because of what we think of others, because of what we think of ourselves, because its fucking cold. Theres an alternative to living this way. But it takes mental reprogramming and in my experience constant self-care practice and self-love rituals. I’ll share more about how i’ve developed a healthier sense of self with my next installation. Part II if you will.

 

-amber . breezy!

i am what i am

london 086ascend with amber

The the theme of this month is:
unconditional love and acceptance, of self.
Achieving this is of course a life long journey, so while on that journey, lets make the month of March one that catapults us even closer to, or maybe even all that way to, unconditional acceptance and love, of ourselves. Self-acceptance and love, are so critically important, because our whole lives are a mirror of the relationship we have with ourselves. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, where I post all of my poems, you’ve probably read the poem You that sheds light on these sentiments:
2

 

Can you even see me? Our ability to love others, and treat them well, is a direct reflection of our ability to love ourselves and treat our selves well (or not). It’s kind of eerie how were wired that way. Pretty dope. Cool.

As I shared with you in my last ascend with Amber monthly letter, I am big on questioning things. So maybe, like me, you wondered for a moment, ‘why is it important to unconditionally love and accept ourselves?’ Because, when humans are uncomfortably good to one another, it is an overwhelmingly powerful force, the only force that can bring true peace; to ourselves, and to our world. The only way to be uncomfortably good to others, is to figure out how to be uncomfortably good, to yourself. Why is that? Refer to the mirror analogy and poem above. When we are unconditionally loved and accepted, we don’t need to rely on people or circumstances to be good to us, in order to be good to others. The circumstances of our lives won’t determine our outlook on life, and we will need very little to feel satisfied. unconditional love and acceptance, is freedom.

So then I ask, how? how do I unconditionally love and accept, myself? The answer to that question is different for everyone. For myself, the first step that comes to my mind in figuring out what unconditional love looks like, is: How do I unconditionally love others?

    • I assure them
    • I forgive them
    • I’m patient with them
    • I give them my time and attention
    • I learn about who they are and what they like
    • I validate them
    • I correct them
    • I apologize when I’m wrong
    • I try to be my best for them
    • I give them the benefit of the doubt

And the list goes on..

So then, in order to work at unconditionally loving and accepting myself, I’ve got to do some portion of the above, for myself. This month, I’m committing to:
assuring myself and forgiving myself.

We can disappoint ourselves so much in life, everyday. This isn’t because we are truly falling short, this is because of where we’ve set our expectations of ourselves. But falling short is not worth having no peace. In the grand scheme of things, no situation is worth having no peace. For me, assurance and forgiveness means that I continue to do my best, but to forgive myself when I fall short and remind myself that God is in control and that as long as I have my life and my health, I can have joy and peace.

Naming my months, means that I will focus in on assuring and forgiving myself, everyday, as an act of self-love and acceptance, for the entire month of March.

How will you implement unconditional love and acceptance of self into your life this month? What will you focus your energies on? I’m curious…

 

With Love and Light,

 

Amber Bernadette

 

oh p.s, if you’d like to check out more of my poems, you can follow me on Instagram at Instagram/wordtothewise__ or facebook.com/wordtothewiseblog