i have been so convicted about choice and time lately. so so deeply moved by the power of our personal choice and the ruthlessness of ‘time’. time is so ruthless! it does not care what your starting point in life is, doesn’t care if you’re having a bad day, doesn’t care if you refuse to let go of self-doubt and crippling perfectionism. it just continues to move forward with or without your beneficial choices.
time is like the ocean, sun, wind and moon. its like animals and sand. they will continue to BE with or without you and your acknowledgement that they ARE. when we leave this earth they will still continue to be life-giving beautiful sources of peace, if we choose see them as such.
nature and time are God.
time is a ruthless truth but also a grand act of love from God. the ruthlessness of time makes our choice black or white. you’re either all in or you’re not. you do don’t get to be gray, which is a gift.
choice and time: our will vs divine will
in terms of choice and time, many times we call ourselves waiting on God when truly God is waiting on us. we call ourselves trying to search for the will of God when the will of God is what we desire. for some reason we humans have evolved into spiritually grappling with the will of God. we have evolved into grappling with whether we believe that we get to have what we desire or not because we believe that we are so wretched. we are worthy of what we want. we deserve what we want: peace, joy, happiness and fulfillment.
if it’s not working force that shit. its not a struggle because we’re not meant to have it, its a struggle because there’s something for us to learn. we are allowed to have what we want.
choice and time: internalism vs. externalism
honestly truly. everything we are searching for is within. the way that we manage our time and our choices is by being an internalist.
externalism suggest that our environment determines who we are and what become, that the perceptions of others have the ultimate affect on our self-concept and our overall outlook and that we have no control over our thoughts and feelings because the source of them is outside of ourselves. externalism is disempowering and oppressive. it encourages co-dependence, low-self-esteem and a lack of boundaries.
internalism gives the power back to its source, it is active and is takes conscious effort. internalism affirms that each individual is a drop of God and therefore capable of infinite possibilities. internalism encourages interdependent relationships instead of co-dependent ones and calls for each individual to have their own identity instead of relying on others for it. internalism creates room for God to breathe life over our vision while externalism leaves one powerless to a perspective of death.
embracing a perspective of internalism is liberating, empowering and a joy filled approach to living.
choice and time: we are not what we do
when i think if internalism, it reminds me that we are not what we do. we are not human doing’s—but instead—we are human beings. so many times we set a goal and project so much unto it. i remember when i got my first full time job after graduating college and shortly thereafter so many false beliefs about it shattered. i thought it was going to make me feel like i was good enough, make me happy and fullfilled, make me feel complete and essentially make every single one of my insecurities go away. and unsurprisingly. it didn’t.
even as i continue to create my dream career in the art world, the more checks i mark off of my list. the more disillusioned i become. the check marks don’t make me happy! don’t get it twisted. i love this career much more than what i was doing in the corporate world, but it still doesn’t fill my spiritual well.
i even got a little embarrassed recently. a part of me was pursuing this career for personal fulfillment and another side for power and respect. but both of the later rely on the outside perspective of others and that externalism oppresses me. anyway, no one with a frame of mind that desires-to-gain-power wants to give away their power anyway so that side of my pursuit was toxic, futile and dysfunctional. i am learning that, the only way for me to enjoy this career is to do it with complete and total authenticity;
to do it with my wholeness and my brokenness. my confusion and my security, my fear and my joy, my perfectionism and my God given talent and wear all of these on my sleeve. to observe myself and my life with a humility and a surrender that understands that we are all in process and that we are not what we do, and to greet the personal choices of others with the same humility.
what you do is not who you are. there are plenty of depressed dancers out there. there are plenty of people doing what you dream of doing and are not passionate about their career and are unhappy.
it is literally all in our minds. the love we desire to feel, the comfort we search for, it all lies in the thoughts we choose to think, and in our capability to access the divine source that we come from through prayer and meditation.
choice and time love: is a choice only you can make
surrender is such a peaceful place to be and self-love is such a powerful declaration of surrender. when we take care of ourselves, tend to our dreams and lifestyle, make our morning before work a savory moment filled with joy and a candle lit moment in bed with a book before its time to sleep a laughter filled moment infused with peace, we are loving ourselves with a surrender to God that says: your love is enough.
the week is almost over, but lets end it by searching for the beauty in the mundane and by being grateful for it all.
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