forgiveness and love:

forgiveness is
my ability to realize that we are all equals
and that i have committed the same misguided choices–
mistakes,
as others have.

if i am unable to see myself in the flaws of someone else,
it is my own suffering that is blocking my vision.
when i forgive, i say:

“have i made that mistake before?”

“yes”

“and am i still a good person?”

“yes”

when it is hard for me to envision myself in the flaws of someone else
i am in denial and therefore blinded by my own pain
that has yet to surface.

when it is hard for me to believe that another is still deserving
of love, despite their misguided choices
i am saying that it is hard for me to believe that i am still
deserving of love, despite the misguided choices that i
have made.

all suffering is equal.
all mistakes are equal.
all pain is equal; whether it is momentary or prolonged,
it has become from one source of general dissatisfaction.

—————————-

falling in love
is so arbitrary.
we are all equals, and therefore
have equally enchanting qualities
to offer each other.

it is all based on our
depravity and unconsciousness.

those special people out there
who have the unique ability to
brush up against the
broken parts of ourselves,
will lead us to our pain
and then to our healing.

we don’t want the relationship that
is easy because we want freedom,
and only suffering can lead us to freedom.
and that is why we are attracted to what
brings us pain; because we subconsciously know
that only it has the capacity
to set us free.

xoxo
amber b

words of a woman

words of a woman is my mini-documentary series about women, inspired by boombox in the sky, my debut book of poetry and prose that you can purchase at my books tab. it was filmed by my girl samantha menses and directed and edited by myself.

boombox in the sky is a book of poetry purposed to humanize the complicated parts of ourselves, speak beauty love and truth to the wounded parts of ourselves and to inspire readers to use their free-will to choose their highest self. a critical component in achieving that level of self-love and self-awareness is through story telling. whether it be in a journal, to a friend or with a trained professional. we heal ourselves by telling our stories.

that is where words of a woman comes in. i decided to put my money where my mouth is by sharing my own story and invited two of my girlfriends to share theirs as well. i reflected on each of our stories on my instagram each week, as each story revealed new revelations about personal freedom, self-love and becoming the Highest version of ourselves.

my series started with my girl juanita–who is a writer and playwright–who questioned life’s meaning and her purpose in it and she did it so thoughtfully and effortlessly. “if this is all that life has to offer: a job that robs me of 90% of my life, dead end relationships and just this monotony. this emptiness. if this is it…[God] come get me.“ watch the full version below.

then we moved on to my girl Monique who is an actress pursuing her career in los angeles. she spoke about about how she’s walking in her purpose but still feels unsatisfied. she discusses experiencing instant gratification constantly in her carer and desiring a consistent fulfillment in its place. “i keep going back to that in my head [to ask myself] am i…full?” watch the full version below.

then we went onto my story. i spoke about constantly searching for myself in everything except truth and always finding myself disappointed afterwards. “i searched for myself in relationships, in success, in perfectionism, in physical beauty, in friendship–in everything.” watch the full version below.

words of a woman made us ask questions like:
-what is my purpose?
-what is true fulfillment?
-how do we forgive?
-why do we forgive?
-does the future have anything to offer me
that the present does not?

words of a woman was so revelatory to so many of us and for so many different reasons. one of many conclusions that i came to was that no one is to blame for anything that has transpired in my life and my healing is my own responsibility. please share your thoughts below and make sure to check out the full series above.

xoxo
amber

word to the wise two-point-oh

hey whats up hello!
oh my sweet baby jesus it has been so long since i have written to you, but girl we got a makeover check out the new place! you’ll notice that there is a new books tab. its there because i wrote a book…

i moved to LA exactly six months ago this month and out of that jump came boombox in the sky; my debut book of poetry and prose. it tracks the journey from self-sabotage to self-love–through poetry. its themes are innocence, self-love, God-dependence and testimony

it has been so moving to listen to people express feeling as if boombox in the sky breathed love and truth into them and that its empowered them to start again but with more grace and mercy towards themselves. readers have expressed that boombox in the sky humanized the more complicated parts of themselves and that it nudged them to try and make peace with those parts instead of avoid them with all of the bad habits.

the process of writing this book and uncovering one of its themes that is testimony inspired a mini-documentary series i conceptualized titled ‘words of a woman’. in this series a few of my friends and i come forward and share our testimony. this series is so powerful mainly because of how authentic and raw they are.

i moved to la because i wanted to pursue dance full-time. i’ve been training since i was really little and decided it was time to take the leap. this leap has lead to many changes and shifts in my approach to just about everything, especially creating. it’s been about six months since i’ve written you so to get you up to speed please do the following:

to do:
-purchase boombox in the sky at my books tab
-watch the introduction to my book here:

watch my mini-documentary series about women here:

and then tell me what you think by dropping a line in my comments section.

 

i honestly can’t wait for you to read boombox!!

 

speak soon,

xoxo amber